Friday, April 14, 2006

More pyramids than Valley of the Kings

…How did the burial mounds of the pharoahs get crossed with the ideal diet?

…HA guesses the shape denoted more of somethings (bottom) and less of others (pointy part).

…Or used to. More of that later.

…Why was the bar chart slighted?

…HA figures the pie chart was dismissed because it made people too hungry and pie was in the pointy part.

…Anyway…the Department of Agriculture issued a new Food Pyramid two years ago (the first was in 1992).

…Apparently some ‘crat figured a two-dimensional pyramid was too simple and sliced each rung into sections to hold different foods.

…(This made HA think of Mr. Koerber, her high school geometry teacher—and thinking of geometry made her want to EAT something and PDQ.)

…Naturally, fats, oils, and sweets went at the teeny top, meaning frosted cupcakes were being phased out as a food.

…Below that were the protein things, milk, cheese, meat, fish, eggs, nuts. You could eat more of those than Twinkies.

…Next larger dose allowed was of fruit and veggies. Toga!

…And the most of all, below that, carbs, such as cereal, pasta, and bread. Sure, it may look like you can eat the most of this, but you better not.

…If the carb industry hadn’t intervened, those would have been at the no-no end.

…Oh, yes, lobbyists had an input during the “comment period” and probably at the Republican Club on the Hill after the comment period.

…Omigod, HA forgot you still might be reading! You don’t need to know any of this! Forget it immediately.

….This pyramid was replaced by one in 2005.

…This puppy suddenly became as complicated at a Knights of Templar handshake.

…It was turned on its side with swooping strips down from the top indicating portions . And there are 12 of the things! Different ones for different types of people with different levels of activity.

…Other groups did similar ones for children, old people, diabetics.

…At least the old pyramid, the one we knew from Health Class, was understandable.

…This darn thing might as well just tell you not to wolf a lot of frosted cupcakes and to walk some.

…So don’t—and do.

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