Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Putting our brains to better use

…HA got a press release announcing a wonderful new service: A Fat Clock that will tick off how much fatter Americans are getting every second!

…Nora Ephron just wrote a book about her crinkly neck. Hey, Nora, fill that in with fat and it’s wattles…feel better?! Smell the flowers, girlfriend.

…There was a show on the other night about people who develop the desire to amputate their own limbs. They just think they would look better with only one leg or one arm.

…Just think of our beautiful soldiers who would do almost anything to have two legs or two arms again!

…All this naval-gazing and warped thinking could be put to better use. Better, more devious use.

…HA wonders why our rather “creative” admin did not lie when it counted. When that “plot” was uncovered, why not say, “Oh, the Brits are rolling up some guys in London and Pakistan, but this doesn’t affect us because we long ago developed liquid explosive detection that is so sensitive it can detect the components of these bombs or as well as other dangerous liquids in as little as one part per billion, even if they are encased in lead or disguised as contact lens solution.”

…Then, business as usual.

…Let’s use these big American brains for something besides fatness tracking, limb lopping, and crying over spilled flesh.

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