Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Time to retire Old Lumpy?
…HA remembers watching a segment on “The View” about when to get new pillows. Some pillow bossy cow had the girls bring in their pillows…ominous yellowish stains, sags, and all. HA thought, “My pillows look like Meredith Viera’s, how cool."
…According to a piece in Shop Etc. (Sept), nearly half of Americans keep their mattresses (we’ll get to the pillows) longer than the experts recommend. Would forever fall in that category?
…Like a long-term bed partner, this article says, we grow accustomed to the flaws of our bed. (No comment on that bed partner thing, which HA thought brought in unrelated material.)
…Hear it now, folks. Mattresses expire in 5-7 years. Nuh-uh! Even the ones recommended by Sarah Connor? Even those Sleep Number things--HA doesn't get those, by the way--what is that, an air mattress with gradations?
…If the coils poke you, this says, time for a trip to the Mattress King. Yeah, can see that. But it also says if you aren’t sleeping as well, time to trade in old Lumpy. What if you aren’t sleeping as well because you can’t afford a new mattress?
…Soft beds are not necessarily unsupportive, this article says. Pillowtops support you. This magazine was pushing the body molding memory foams (the woman jumping next to the wine glass). Well, sure, if you have $3,500!
…OK…pillows. Some of HA’s have names. The flat one is, of course, Pat (for Flat Pat). The little one she uses to balance her reading matter—Bookie. The rest are just some cheap rabble that have been sleeping with her for ages—and probably were originally called “shams,” not even real pillows.
…Check the warranty, to see when you have a “case” (like that one?) for dumping your pillows.
…If a pillow bends, apparently this isn’t a good sign. Are you kidding? HA can roll hers like a burrito!
…Don’t even get HA started on sheets. Thread counts lie! Maybe some other time.