Monday, September 11, 2006

Delicious cycle

…A mag called Four Weeks is coming out. It sorts women’s activities and buying whims into segments corresponding to their point in their menstrual cycle.

…They came up with this during the creative part of their cycle, HA wagers. A new one on her.

…The dance of estrogen/progesterone, the way they describe it, goes something like this.

…Week 1. First day of the period. They say a woman feels like a kid, but is still low on estrogen, so craves comfort. This section will contain recipes from “Mom’s kitchen” and laughter-filled getaways.

…Week 2. Estrogen is peaking, so she is seeking the fun and exotic. She also has a lot of testosterone, so may be feeling sexy. This section contains out-of-the-way trips, and must-have indulgences.

…Week 3. Progesterone, the sedating and nurturing hormone is rising, so she feels mellow. This is the time to tackle DIY projects.

…Week 4. Estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone are slumping—can we spell PMS? They say this makes a woman “a tad” more emotional and increases aches and pains. The feel-good guy serotonin—also low. Yuh-oh. Time for yummy, guilt-free food if that isn’t an oxymoron.

…Are we women really this predictable? Who even has a 28-day cycle anymore?

….Never one to let sleeping hormones lie, HA had some great gift ideas for each cycle. For the feel like a kid week, how about a trip to the zoo, Disneyland anyone, PB&Js, trip to Open Mike Night.

…For fun and exotic, sex toys, a new teddy, tiger-sweat perfume, and a trip to the Costa Del Sol?

…Now, that mellow week, time to do things for yourself. Weedeating! (Ask anyone, HA is all about the weedeating.) Call the contractors to redo the kitchen (oops, not done by PMS week, their families will miss Daddy).

…And for PMS week, Godiva, of course. Maybe a self-defense class. Buy a new guard dog? Kevlar for hubby? Midol, of course, by the pallet.

…During the period--that’s cleaning time! Merry Maids, the yard man, dusting the inside of the radio, you know how this goes.

…Yeah, sure. Like packmule HA would get a spa run or jaunt to the Costa del Sol.

…An opportunity to weedeat, yes. And when was the last time that radio saw a dustcloth?

…If only she had a magazine that could tell her what to do.


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