…Isis Waichler, author of Riding the Infertility Rollercoaster: A Guide to Educate and Inspire, had a child one month before her 46th birthday.
…When asked what the least helpful things are that you can say if people are not conceiving, she says: “You just aren’t trying hard enough.” WRONG: They are probably doing every thing they can think of.
…”You just need to relax.” How do you relax when you don’t have what want most and are willing to risk anything to get? That’s not relaxing.
…”When are you two going to have a baby?” Ooops—they have been trying for a year.
…”You must come to my baby shower.” Sometimes this is not where the woman wants to be at this moment of her quest.
…”You already have one child.” Having the second child, which at first seems so easy, is a whole area of infertility.
…HA underwent some fertility approaches before having her daughter. She can report that it is an overwhelming preoccupation and you really don’t want to hear about how So-and-so went to Cabo and it just happened.
…If someone has a miscarriage, there are other things they don’t want to hear, such as “This probably meant it was deformed anyway.”
…Or: “It’s God’s will.”
…Or: “Cheer up, when can you try again?”
…Or: "At least it showed you can get pregnant.”
…Better a hug, HA thinks, and not so much palaver, however well intentioned.