Friday, November 10, 2006

OK. let's not eat this year


…Kathleen Clary Miller had a fun essay in the LA Times (Nov 6, 2006). Thanksgiving is a responsibility-heavy holiday for her, she says, because she’s the chef.

…She is concerned about killing her family.

…She can never remember how long to cook the turkey. So she opens the booklet that comes with the turkey—and it’s all about food poisoning and bacteria.

…Is it safe to … stuff…you know, inside? To be on the safe side, she gets boxed stuffing…but what to add, butter, olive oil?

…Tofu turkey…She thinks not, except for her niece who is a vegetarian and will also appreciate being saved from Alzheimer’s by the green veggies on the table.

…Spinach…must be pulled, along with gravy, which might cause everyone to “sink like stones in a sea of cellulite.”

…Yams are PC (potato correct). White taties, highly glycemic.

…No marshmallows, of course.

…A glass of cranberry juice is OK, for the urinary tract.

…White wine is good with white meat, but red has more antioxidants. Two glasses help hearts but can increase risk of breast cancer 30%.

…Ah, dessert. Pecans are good—but only six per person. Cinnnamon lowers blood sugar.
Too much, naturally, kills.

…Coffee leaches calcium from our bones and decaf must be Swiss water-processed only.

…Kathleen is sticking to veggies. Her previous lack of them mixed, with tryptophan from the turkey, may be why she can’t tell the lethal from the healthful.

…If she eats turkey, she says, her vegan niece will be the only one left alive to talk to the paramedics.

…And do the dishes.

…HA is laughing. She thinks. Thanks for that, Kathleen.

2 comments:

Wendy said...

Too funny! Guess for Thanksgiving this year I'll just stick with a glass of cranberry juice, 6 pecans, and a dash of cinnamon! lol

Star said...

Our family is all about the can marks. No non-canned cranberry relish need apply--have to see the marks.