Friday, February 23, 2007

Yearning most intense stage of grief


…HA probably should quit her bellyachin’ over her dead dog Spencer, but she doesn’t want to! Her belly still aches!

…It’s been two months—several face-crumples and cries a day, everything in the house associated with him, and so on. At night, he is not there to snuggle and in the morning to lick her wrist. People walk up to the door and are suddenly there—unchallenged. There are no snappy brown eyes gazing at her meals. Not there, not there, not there.

…A recent study in the J Am Med Assn looked into those famous five stages of grief.

…The accepted “Five Stages of Grief” are disbelief, yearning, anger, depression, and acceptance. HA would say anger is after disbelief, and only slowly leads to yearning, constant yearning.

…The Harvard people said if acceptance is not reached in six months, maybe professional help is needed.

…HA’s family is trying to get her on anti-depressants now. Take a pill, take a pill! No! She wants her dog back.

…The researchers also said, however, that yearning or missing the loved one is far more prevalent as a stage than depression.

…They took this to mean that professionals might refocus the person to the yearning stage if depression had set in. Oh, great, more yearning.

…Yearning, not sadness, is what grieving is all about, the docs said. “Yearning, pining, longing, and being angry and protesting that you can’t have this person back.”

…In the 233 people studied, disbelief reached a peak about a month in, then declined.

…Yearning steadily increased and reached a high four months before declining.

…Anger reaches a peak at five months.

…Depression increases and peaks at six months.

…Meanwhile acceptance is creeping in all along. They say.

…HA has a way to go and don’t even mention that Spencer was not a person. He was her heart.

1 comment:

NotSoccer Mom said...

let me just say those timetables are for the birds. you just grieve in your OWN time, however long it takes. and "just a dog" doesn't matter either.

sorry for your loss. enjoying your blog.