Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Gone to the table in the sky


…According to WSJ obit writer Stephen Miller, Eddie "Bozo" Miller was once listed in Guinness as “the world’s greatest trencherman.”

…For those whose education was post-Chaucer, that means Eddie liked to eat

…He once won a contest in Idaho by eating 30 pounds of elk and moose meatloaf. (HA never heard of moose meatloaf and sort of wishes she never had.)

…He once downed 25 bowls of minestrone and 30 pounds of shrimp.

…He drank a bottle of gin in a single chug, then offered the loser a drink.

…His Guinness record was for eating 27 two-lb chickens and for eating 324 raviolis. The first 250 raviolis went down in a little over an hour, but then they had to wait while the kitchen made more.

….Miller had a 57-inch waist and was quite the ladies man, driving around in a yellow Cadillac convertible, the trunk stuffed with pearls and presents for the ladies. He also spent a lot of time at the track.

…A man writ large.

…He said he rarely got indigestion—except for one time when felled by a snack of 10 pounds of cheese crackers.

…His daughters—named Candy, Cooky, and Honey—used to bring out 100 liqueurs after dinner and he would try to get people drunk, with consistent success.

…He often liked to muse on how he could have outeaten Diamond Jim Brady. Brady was strong in the meat department, Miller would say, but weak in pastry. He himself, he would note, had no weak areas.

…After outliving a bunch of doctors, Miller finally dropped 125 lbs off his 300-lb frame.

…Oh…and he lived to 89. “They’re going to stuff me,” he said of his funeral.

…But, alas, that had already been done--and ever so much better.

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