Monday, November 01, 2010

Dreaded clipboard


That’s what we call it—one word—dreadedclipboard.

That half-baked mess they hand you at the doctor’s office—you know, the one the doctor never looks at even for a second?

My gripe is not that it is basically make-work, patronizing, and CYA, and not that it will not be replaced by the electronic chart, or if it is, that the feds will read it, my gripe is that it’s so random.

They list enough diseases that you immediately feel queasy, but often not things like shingles, polio, gallstones, atrial fib, Lyme disease, PCOS, and other things that people get or have had.

Instead, malaria… Yes, my days in the Congo, remember them well.

They also ask for hospitals and dates—are they calling? Who can remember this? Hmmm, I guess I was about 40…

Do you drink alcohol? How many drinks a week? I have two wines a week now, but I used to drink tons…does that matter?

Smoke. Never. Does anyone believe that. It happens to be true—and mostly true even for wacky-backy.

But what about amphetamines? Hell, yes—was given them as a child to lose the ever unpopular adipose tissue. Mmm, speed. Me love.

OK, you get where I am going. I don’t want a national committee to pry meaningful info out of us. Or something they can deny treatment for or something.

How about a history. Ask questions. No…not practical.

At least they now let you fill out the form at home before you go. This helps me because I can use my magnifying glass.

Detached retina! Another thing that is never listed. Or Macular Degeneration. Or a macular hole.

Can you think of other horrors they forget?

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