Thursday, April 28, 2011

Do children wreck or change marriages


I watch “Bethenny Ever After” and “Pregnant in Heels.” These can be interesting anthropology-wise.

In Bethenny, the new baby seems to add to their happiness and give them subjects to talk about on a reality show—and a fun bath time in which all three of them get in the tub (in swimsuits for the adults, clean it up, pottyminds).

In Pregnant in Heels, Rosie Pope, the pregnancy guru who herself is doing IVF, gets little glimpses into the marriages of her various clients. One couple seemed to want to ignore the coming child—no crib, no kid would come, right? Another had sort of intense discussions about Jewish v Catholic—this had not come up before the impending birth moment.

I once read an Ann Landers survey in which more than half of the couples who responded said they regretted having children.

Andrea Petersen, WSJ, Apr 28, 2011, says 2/3 of couples in another study said the quality of their relationship had dropped within three years of the birth of a child (Relationship Research Institute, Seattle).

For women, they get disappointed in the marriage from day one after the birth. For men, it takes longer.

Basically, if you are the king or queen of the house, that is over. Deal with it.

Who will change the diapers? Get up in the night? Pay for everything? Quit or dog work?

And the fear--someone once said having a kid is like wearing your heart on the outside of your body.

People spend more time decorating the nursery than getting ready for the kid to come home.

Date night is not a good answer, according to this. These can become pressure-y.

This article recommended lots of classes. I went the School of Hard Baby Knocks route. I can remember some intense moments packing the car to the gills to go around the block or the all-nite vomiting sessions, that sort of thing.

But my kid has made it to 29 so far. Dad is no longer around, and I am not in the bin yet, so I guess it turned out, more or less, if you don't count the SWAT team.

Actually, I doubt that have a class for any of the things that happened.

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